To introduce sex toys naturally and easily into your relationship, be sure to avoid blaming your partner's sexual performance.
Be honest about your own wishes and be willing to make concessions based on your partner's needs.
If you've never used a sex toy in a relationship, suddenly bringing it to your partner can seem awkward and weird.
Here are 4 expert-approved tips for communicating with your partner to introduce sex toys into a relationship.
1. Describe your wish request instead of complaining
To achieve this, make sure your communication is free of complaints or criticism. She recommends the following process:
Begin with the positive.
Make an inquiry.
Make a request that includes your partner.
For example:
I loved the feeling last night…
Have you ever thought about trying a toy?
I'd love to try using a vibrator during sex with you.
2. In addition to sharing your wishes, you should also share how you feel about using sex toys.
She suggests this:
"I'm excited about bringing the X toy into our lives."
"Sharing toys that are fun for me makes me nervous."
Make sure you're sharing a genuine emotion and don't be afraid to hide it from your partner.
"It's important to tell your partner your emotions, not just your thoughts," says Rachel Wright, a sex therapist in New York City, MA, LMFT.
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3. Treat the two of you as a couple. Commit to your lover that sex toys are designed to enhance, not replace, what you both have together.
As for when to let the toy talk, it's recommended to do it before any "sexy time" begins. Removing a vibrator from a secret stash under the bed and waving it in your lover's face during sex can be devastating, even if your intentions are devastating altruistic. Some partners may feel threatened because they are already anxious about their performance in bed. It makes them nervous.
4. Find toys together
Make toy hunting a collaborative experience.
It is recommended that you search for some toys online together. This way, you can understand what everyone is thinking and make decisions together, making compromises when needed.
Of course, you can also make an appointment to go to the local sex store and pick up the toys yourself.
Often the staff are well trained and can help you find the best toy for you. Finding, buying, cleaning and using it together makes for a fun two-person experience.